


Go.

by sallyamongpoison



Series: Thedas Wasteland AU [9]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Suicide, Thedas Wasteland!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 16:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11444865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallyamongpoison/pseuds/sallyamongpoison
Summary: In which the settlement of Haven is destroyed, everyone is dead, and Cullen gives Dorian one last gift.





	Go.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Small Objects prompt list: #61 Hand Grenade

He was numb. His body was cold and tired- nearly dead. In fact, Dorian rather wished he was dead. That would have been better than this. Anything would have been better than this. Death was welcome. Death was an assurance at this point, and the only card he had left to play was how long he waited until he let it come for him. Maybe an hour, maybe a day, maybe a year.

It wasn’t going to be a year. 

Haven was gone. Lost. Destroyed. Taken over by bodies filled with the magic the Veil had exposed when it was brought down however long ago. Everyone had thought magic was long gone, but it wasn’t. It had just been hiding. Waiting. Driving those naturally adept and susceptible to it mad through the generations. It was only a matter of time, and by all accounts it was a miracle they’d lasted as long as they had.

That was Cullen, though. And Cassandra. Sera. Blackwall. The Iron Bull and his Chargers. Varric, even, had been there when Haven made its last stand. They’d protected the people as best they could. The did what was right, what was fair, what could only be expected of those charged with keeping the peace and watching over those who were only trying to survive in a world that should have ended. It had ended. Maybe they were the last remaining elements. Sometimes it felt like that in their fortress of snow and stone.

Dorian felt his heart catch in his chest. How was it that he was still alive? Hiding and injured, but still alive? How had he managed to be the one to get away? Why had he been the one able to get away?

Cullen.

_“Go. You have to go.”  
_

_“I’m not leaving you. That’s not happening. Don’t…don’t you dare-”  
_

_“I’m already dead. Go.”_

Cullen had pressed something into his hands as Dorian bent over to kiss him one last time. He felt the weight of it then, felt the weight of it now, and as he curled in closer on himself a sob bubbled up from his chest. Cullen was gone. Cullen was gone and Dorian was all alone now. There was no one else. Cullen…he’d left Cullen in a heap near a snow bank. Dead. Cullen was…Cullen was…

Dead.

For the first time since he’d locked himself in that room Dorian felt the weight of it truly hit him. Cullen was gone. They were all gone. The man he loved, the man who’d saved his life so many times, was dead. All those times of pushing forward and forward, stitching each other up and telling each other to hold on…it was for nothing. Fucking nothing. It didn’t matter now because Cullen had bled out in the snow while Dorian ran. Because Cullen had told him to. 

Because Cullen couldn’t die watching Dorian die. He hadn’t said it, but it was clear in his face. In his eyes. 

Something was moving down the hall from the room he was hidden in. They’d gotten in, gotten down in the old root cellar where he only had a wooden door to protect him. Dorian didn’t have a gun. He’d run out of ammo…Maker, he couldn’t remember how long ago. They all had. It hadn’t mattered. All he had was what Cullen had pressed into his hands before Dorian had to leave him to die. Alone. He’d died alone and cold.

Dorian wished he were dead. And soon…soon he would be.

He cradled it in his hands, felt the ridges and grooves in the metal. Cullen had carried it with him. it had been warmed by Cullen’s body heat and was the last thing the man he loved had given him. Cullen had given him so much, so much that was so important, but maybe this was the most important thing. He’d given Dorian his love, given him his life, but beyond all that he’d given Dorian something even more precious.

Cullen had given Dorian a chance to choose his death. To not die at the hands of someone or something else. Something else that had killed everyone else that was so important to him.

The door rattled, shook, and then the pounding began. Louder and louder and more forceful until the wood began to splinter. They would be in there soon. With him. And then Dorian would be dead. No matter the outcome, Dorian was going to die.

The door was gone. Broken. Lost. Destroyed. Just like everything. Just like the world and all the people in it. 

He gritted his teeth. Closed his eyes. In his mind’s eye he saw Cullen there. It wasn’t all that cold, and Dorian wasn’t numb. Cullen was smiling. The sun shone through those beautiful curls, and for just a moment it was like spring again. Cullen was with him. Waiting. He held out a and and Dorian knew. He wasn’t alone. It would be okay. Everything would be okay.

He pulled the pin.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on Tumblr! @sallyamongpoison


End file.
